Okay, I know that sounds harsh, but it might not be as bad as you think. Because if she has any kind of sexual desire that means there is potential to improve your love life.
In a recent post, I addressed spontaneous, reactive, and contextual desire. Today, I want to talk about solo and dyadic desire.
(Who knew there were so many types of desire? Luckily, there are people who study these kinds of things.)
Solo desire is about individual feelings. If your wife reads romance novels, watches romantic movies, enjoys erotic content, and/or engages in self-pleasure, then she may have a stronger libido than you might think.
Dyadic desire is the sexual desire one has for another person. In other words, your wife’s level of desire for you. This is the kind of desire that can be impacted by what’s going on in your relationship. Things like:
- If the mental/emotional load of your relationship is out of balance
- If you have stopped spending quality time together as a couple
- If there is either lots of conflict around issues or avoidance of them
- If she doesn’t feel like a priority to you
- If you don’t connect on an emotional level
There are also some things that may be happening in your intimate life that can also affect her desire for you. Things like:
- Is there a pleasure gap?
- Are you making yourself as physically attractive as possible?
- Are you aware of how her body reacts?
- Is there enough time/foreplay for her to really enjoy the experience?
- Are you a confident and generous lover?
The idea is to harness her solo desire and turn it into dyadic desire. And this is where opportunity lives.
The key to high quantity intimacy is to focus on the quality of it. When your relationship is strong outside of the bedroom and she is enjoying herself in it, her dyadic desire for you will increase.
That’s what I call a win-win-win!
Creating real intimacy and connection with your wife is a noble goal. Knowing how to do this well is an art. If you are ready to make it a reality, schedule your 5 Star Relationship Call with me today to learn how.
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Is Intimacy a Priority in Your Marriage?
Intimacy makes me think of old math classes about sets. Sex is often a part of intimacy, but intimacy does not always include sex. This may be confusing to many who think they are one and the same. The desire for intimacy—really being known by another person—is why many of us got married. So why is it often so problematic? Dr. Catherine Aponte, clinical psychologist and the author of A Marriage of Equals: How to Achieve Balance in a Committed Relationship, defines intimacy and reveals how you can create it in your marriage.
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