“Habit is everything, even in love.” Luc de Clapiers
A habit is defined as a usual way of behaving: something that a person does often in a regular and repeated way. And you and your wife have developed habits in your marriage.
The big question? Are they helping or hurting your relationship?
The answer is probably both. But the more bad, or non-relational, habits the two of you have, the more trouble your marriage is in.
After twenty years of working with couples, I still find myself surprised by how awful people who promised to love, honor, and cherish their spouse speak to each other. If they talked to co-workers like that, they would be written up.
This is one of the worst habits but it’s not the only harmful one couples form over the years.
Another one that creates problems is focusing only on the negatives in your partner or marriage. Nothing is ever all good or all bad. But humans are designed to pay attention to harmful things. So it’s not unusual for the things you don’t like to get your attention.
But if you ignore or minimize the positive things your partner brings to your life, you will create a death spiral for your marriage that it may not escape.
For every negative interaction you and your partner have, you need to have three to five positive ones to counterbalance it. But if you can’t or won’t see the positives, the love you have for each other will die.
And these harmful habits don’t happen overnight. They are the product of the choices you and your spouse make every day. When you engage in or allow non-loving behavior in your marriage, you create the environment for those behaviors to become destructive habits.
The longer these habits are allowed to flourish, the more likely they will destroy your marriage.
The good news? It only takes one of you to do something different.
You made the choice to feed these behaviors. You can choose to end them.
You can lead your marriage to better health. And the first step is to identify those unhealthy habits. Then take active steps to change them.
Walking the path of love, respect, and kindness is the way to create more loving habits and a happier relationship. Or you can continue to be non-relational. The choice is yours. And the consequences will be as well.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Get in touch if you want to build healthier relationship habits.
AROUND THE WEB THIS WEEK
Keep Your Conversations Out of the Ditch
Have you ever been having a conversation with your spouse that suddenly seems to veer off course and right into an argument? If so, you’re not alone. But how you get the conversation, and your marriage, back on track is key to its success. Good communication is a skill that you can learn. Robert Taibbi, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and author, describes the common patterns of communication and reveals what the most successful couples practice.
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Good Guys, Great Husbands
