“If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.” Benjamin Franklin
If you’re like a lot of people, you probably spent a lot of time and gave a lot of thought to planning your wedding. I know I did. But how much time and thought did you give to your actual marriage?
I know. You were in love and that’s all you were going to need. The Beatles even said so.
But what other aspect of your life do you give so little long-range thought to?
If you’re in business, you need to have a plan if you want to be successful. You need to identify your product and your customer. You need to manage your expenses and your employees. You need to track your income and file your taxes. All of this requires a plan.
If you have a career, you most likely have thought about how you want to advance. The next job you want. The next department or company you want to move to. And you need a plan to make it happen.
So, why treat your marriage differently?
I’ve been thinking about this since I spoke with a couple planning on getting married in September. They have identified several areas they approach completely differently. A big one is how they communicate. Another is how each of them deals with their families.
These are just two of the issues that can derail a marriage. This couple wants to get a handle on these things from the beginning. And developing a marriage plan will get them started on the right path.
But it’s never too late to make one. Here’s what it should include:
- Your values
- The expectations you have for each other
- The roles you each will play
- Your finances
- Your intimacy—physical and emotional
- Your lifestyle
- Time together
- Time alone
- Time with family
- How you will handle disagreements
When you have a plan, it makes making decisions easier. If it’s supported by your plan, then it’s a go. If it’s not, then a deeper dive is needed.
Your plan is a guide, not a straitjacket. You can change it if the two of you want to take a different path. But at least you’ll have a place to start.
If you see the value of having a marriage plan, let me know.
AROUND THE WEB THIS WEEK
How a Marriage Professional Keeps Her Relationship Thriving
All relationships face challenges. This is because you have two people trying to navigate through their differences. Relationship professionals are not immune from this very human experience. What they do have is the knowledge and tools to successfully negotiate the differences. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Susan Hartman Brenizer reveals some things she does consistently that have helped keep her 18-year marriage on the right track.
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