“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” GandhiI try not to give in to despair, but it seems to be getting harder with each passing day. The attack in Israel. The war in Ukraine. The call for the death of a decorated United States General. A book banned from an elementary school because the author’s last name is Gay. The hottest summer on record. It’s a lot. I understand the fear, anger, and frustration these situations generate. And how you respond to those emotions can inflame the situation or calm it. And one is much easier to do than the other. When you, someone you care about, or something that matters to you is attacked, it is common and human to hit back. The more horrible the attack, the stronger the desire to retaliate. This happens on a smaller scale as well. Your wife says something that hurts and you’re quick with a nasty comeback. You spend too much time on your laptop and your wife shuts you out of the bedroom. Both of you claim you’re justified. Your feelings are. But not your behavior. And it’s your behavior that matters. The answer isn’t to feed the hurt and anger. It’s to feel it and then choose to do something productive with it. Creating more hurt and anger, while temporarily making you feel better, isn’t it. If someone does something harmful, they do need to be held accountable. But responding in kind will just keep the hard feelings alive and rippling out everywhere. The only productive way forward is to find common ground. And that can’t happen if you see each other as “the enemy”. In certain situations, there are real enemies. Some are truly lost and deserve their fates. But others can be reached. And if you want real peace, it’s important to try and identify them and then find common ground. You do this by listening to understand, not to respond. You don’t have to agree with their position. You don’t have to understand it. You don’t have to like everything about them. Or anything really. But don’t let these things get in the way of finding a way forward. It’s not easy to do this. That’s why it’s rare. But it’s the only way that truly works. What has you angry, hurt, or frustrated? Do you want to feed these emotions or resolve them? What would you need to do this? You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach out and let me know what emotions you would like to resolve.
AROUND THE WEB THIS WEEK
How Much Sex is Enough?
Top things married couples fight about money and sex. Rarely is it because there is an overabundance of either. And both topics are extremely personal.
If one of you is unhappy with how often you are physically intimate, then your relationship has a problem. But how can you talk to your partner about this really important topic? Marriage Counselor Carole Cullen is here to do just that. It’s a show you don’t want to miss.
