“Anything in life that we don’t accept will simply make trouble for us until we make peace with it. “Shakti Gawain
I don’t want to sound hokey, but the best gift you can give to your wife doesn’t come in a box. It’s also not just a once-a-year at the holidays thing. It’s something you do every day—for her, for you, and for your marriage. And it will make all the difference to the health of your relationship.
What is this miraculous gift? Acceptance!!!!
I truly believe that the biggest challenge to a healthy, happy marriage that stands the test of time is to accept that you are now, always have been, and always will be two different people.
This means you have had different experiences that shape how you each see the world.
First learning to accept those differences and then finding a way to accommodate them is the key.
I was reminded of this reading Matt Fray’s article this week where he identifies two ideas he believes makes relationships work:
- Consideration: “The degree to which you can trust me to learn about and think about what is important to you and then be mindful and aware of how my behavior and my words affect you moving forward”.
- Validation: “You have to be able to trust that you can come tell me what you think and feel—about anything, really— and that I will honor your experiences, and not attempt to discredit you, or minimize you, or defend myself every time what I think and feel is different from you.”
Put these two together and you’ve got acceptance.
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What do most of us do when confronted with something different, something we don’t understand or haven’t experienced? We push back. We minimize or invalidate their feelings because they aren’t the same as ours.
Instead of making room for this person you promised to love and cherish, you make yourself comfortable by dismissing their perspective.
When you dismiss your partner, you endanger your marriage.
But being her soft place to fall, being the one who has her back even if you don’t fully understand her experience? That is real love.
The good news? It doesn’t require you to stop believing or experiencing things in your own way. Just accepting that her feelings and perceptions are equally valid.
It doesn’t require you spending a fortune or running all over town to find something that will bring only temporary enjoyment. It will, however, provide a great Return on Investment.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach out and let me know the one thing about your wife you struggle to accept.
