“The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.” Amy Grant
Dr. Susan Albers defines a “situationship” as “a romantic or sexual relationship that hasn’t been formalized.” She goes on to say, “There are elements of friendship and romance, but they exist without defining the relationship. So, essentially, you have many of the benefits of a traditional relationship without having to make a commitment.”
But, Lesli, I hear you say, “Isn’t getting married the ultimate in making a commitment?
Yes, and no.
You and your wife did make a commitment to each other on the day you got married. But how are you doing living up to those promises today?
A situationship is characterized by a lack of obligation. Unfortunately, I see that same lack of obligation in many marriages.
Instead of honoring those long ago promises, many spouses put the responsibility for the success of their marriage onto the other person. They opt out of their obligations and responsibilities while still holding their partners’ to theirs.
Almost as if they had their fingers crossed behind their backs when they said, “I do”.
Situationships also allow you to feel connected like in a relationship AND have the independence of being single. Again, a similarity to far too many marriages.
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And far too many married people act like they are single. Sometimes this is intentional. You’re trying to protect yourself by keeping your finances separate, keeping your own schedules, spending time focused on your electronic devices, or otherwise not spending quality time with each other.
Sometimes it happens because you’re so focused on getting through the day that you just lose touch with each other. You lose the connection, and you don’t know how to get it back.
One of the hallmarks of a situationship is a lack of boundaries. Many marriages suffer from the same deficiency.
The solution lies in three things:
Clarity—you identify what you want in your marriage and your life.
Courage—you have the strength to be honest about both what you want in your marriage and what is missing. You also don’t avoid having the tough conversations with your wife about what you want your marriage to look like.
Communication—you learn how to communicate your feelings and desires in a productive way. You manage your emotions and don’t get thrown off by hers.
Because if you’re not clear on the nature of your relationship, it can’t progress.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. If you struggle with clarity, courage, or communication reach out and let’s talk.
