“A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future.” Croft M. Pentz
A fellow relationship coach posted, “You can’t be intimate unless you can tell the truth.”
This resonated with me especially after several comments I received about my own post Playing Defense in Your Marriage Won’t Work.
Two of the comments were about the lack of physical intimacy in long term marriages. The men were looking for help in changing the situation.
The third comment was from a man whose wife is ending their twenty-year marriage because she never felt he truly desired her. This despite a fairly active sex life.
What do these situations all have in common? A lack of honesty.
This dishonesty wasn’t in the form of blatant lies. It was in lies of omission. Not saying things that need to be said.
I get it.
Talking about the quality or quantity of physical intimacy is hard. That doesn’t mean it’s not necessary.
Especially if it’s a situation that’s been going on for years.
The Best Gift to Give Your Wife This Year
“Anything in life that we don't accept will simply make trouble for us until we make peace with it. "Shakti Gawain I don’t want to sound hokey, but the best gift you can give to your wife doesn’t come in a box. It’s also not just a once-a-year at the holidays thing....
Dealing with Rejection from Your Wife
“We fear rejection, want attention, crave affection, and dream of perfection.” Mac Miller Two separate emails collided for me this week around the topic of physical intimacy. I’m taking it as the universe wanting me to address this important marital topic. Because it...
Get Your Marriage Through the “Most Wonderful Time of the Year”
“If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!” Benjamin Franklin As you find yourself in the middle of “the most wonderful time of the year”, you may want to ask what does and doesn’t make it that way. For you. For your wife. For your marriage, your kids, your...
The two biggest disagreements in marriages are around money and sex. That’s because both are extremely personal.
And to talk about them productively means being willing to say and hear difficult things.
And therein lies the rub.
The difference between strong, healthy marriages and the ones that end (or simply limp along with one partner suffering) is this ability to have these hard conversations. And they do have them.
Every couple does.
The hardest conversations my husband and I ever had was about our physical intimacy. We both had to be open to the other’s perceptions and feelings. We had to be willing to both speak and hear hard “truths”.
There were tears and fears. But because we were willing to put everything out there, and because we were committed to having a marriage that works for both of us, we were able to get things on track.
I won’t lie. It took every relationship skill and tool I had to get through that conversation. That’s how hard it was. So, I understand why the commenters are struggling.
But not having the conversations only pushes things down the road. And that is never good for your marriage.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Contact me if there’s something you feel you can’t be truthful with your spouse about and we’ll talk.
