As a small business owner, I have to think about the state of my business a lot. If I don’t pay attention, it will fail. You might think about your job pretty frequently too. But how much thought do you give to your marriage? Probably a whole lot less than it needs.
Losing a job is painful and disruptive. Losing a marriage is devastating. More than likely you will have to move. You will lose half of your belongings and your assets. If you have children, you will lose daily access to them. And it is relatively much easier to find a new job than a new partner. But way too many people put their marriages on autopilot. Do you?
Are you prepared for your marriage to end? Nothing thrives on neglect and your marriage is no different. If you aren’t taking specific action to keep it alive and well, you could be setting yourself up for a rude awakening.
“It’s not that bad”, you say. My question is how “bad” does it have to get? Even if your description of your marriage is “it’s okay”, what does that actually mean?
To me, it means that things could be better. Even if you rate it an “8” on a 1-10 scale, that still means there’s room for improvement. And are you sure your wife would rate it the same?
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To me, it means that things could be better. Even if you rate it an “8” on a 1-10 scale, that still means there’s room for improvement. And are you sure your wife would rate it the same?
I get it. You think she’s only focusing on the negative. She’s not seeing the whole picture. Even if you’re right, she can still decide to pull the plug and the rug will be pulled out from under your life.
The truth is that women initiate anywhere from 67 to 90% of divorces. The more educated the women, the higher the percentage. And if your wife has stopped asking for things to be different, beware. Unless you know for sure that all is hearts and flowers, she may have given up and is planning her escape. A request for a divorce should never come as a surprise. But to many of my clients, it does.
These men aren’t bad guys. They love their wives and are stunned things have reached that level. And, statistically speaking, turning things around once the “d” word is mentioned is like winning the World Series when your team is down 3 games to none. Not impossible but really difficult.
Maybe she has mentioned the “c” word—Counseling, and you’ve resisted. It’s expensive. It’s intrusive. I mean who wants to talk to a stranger about feelings and problems. And if it’s another woman, well you’re just going to be ganged up on.
Why can’t you just work things out yourselves?
For the same reason you don’t remove your own appendix.
I would like to recommend another “c” word—Coaching. LeBron James has at least three personal coaches, not to mention all the ones connected to his team. It’s why he’s one of the best in the world. He understands that others have knowledge that can benefit him. He gets that investing in himself is worth the time, effort, and money it takes.
You’ve probably received education and training to do your job. You may even have a mentor to help you advance your career. Doesn’t your marriage deserve the same?
The knowledge about what makes marriage work is out there. Do you have the courage and commitment to seek it out?
If you want to know more about marriage coaching, let’s talk.
around the web this week:
Your Partner Can’t Make You Happy, But This Can
Many people think marriage is about finding personal happiness. Maybe that’s you.
But trying to find happiness outside yourself or trying to be the source of someone else’s happiness is an exercise in futility and frustration. But there is a simple, though not necessarily easy, path to happiness for all of us. Author and Executive Director of the Center for Spiritual Exchange, Don Goewey is here to tell you what it is and how to get started today.
Have you put your marriage on the back burner?
Yes, you’ve said “I do”, but that doesn’t mean you no longer have to pay attention to your spouse or your marriage. Not continuing to do so will bring its demise.
