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What’s Normal vs. What’s Common in a Long-term Relationship
Do you accept what’s common in your relationship or what’s normal? What’s the difference you say? Normal is defined as “conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern”. One definition for common is “widely existing, general, prevalent”. Something can be both...
Dealing Productively with Conflict Leads to Better Sex—Who Knew?
Movies and television shows frequently show couples in the heat of battle suddenly ripping each other’s clothes off and having mind-blowing make up sex. But I have a question—when was the last time that happened in your marriage? Yelling, name calling, and having your...
The #1 Reason You Can’t Set Boundaries with Your Wife
To paraphrase Robert Frost, good boundaries make good marriages. But in order to establish good boundaries, you have to be prepared for them not to be popular. At least at first. I can’t tell you the number of times I have heard a parent say to their misbehaving...
Why Doesn’t My Wife Respect Me?
You want your wife to be happy. You really, really do. And therein lies the difficulty. Her happiness is out of your control. Yes, you can do things that add or detract from her happiness, but the choice to be happy or angry or loving or frustrated is hers alone. You...
Letting It All Hang Out May Not Be So Great for Your Marriage
The Free Dictionary defines the phrase “let it all hang out” as “being emotionally open or direct”, or “to express one’s emotions directly.” Sounds great right? Like so many things in marriage, it depends. Yes, you want to share your deepest thoughts and feelings with...
The Difference Between What’s Yours and What’s Your Wife’s
One of my go-to lines about marriage has to do with “yours, mine, and ours”. It comes up when I hear someone talking about “my” money or “your” cat. I jokingly say that the only things that are “yours” and “mine” are shoes and underwear. (And sometimes not even...
Do You Say “No” to Your Wife?
Some commonly accepted marriage advice is just plain wrong. The admonition for men to just say, “yes, dear” is unhealthy. So is the refrain “happy wife, happy life.” A relationship that is solely focused on one partner’s feelings is destined to be challenging. Yet,...
Neither You, Nor Your Marriage, Are Guaranteed a Tomorrow
Last weekend was one of mixed emotions for me. I returned to my special place for the first time in almost 25 years to honor my mother’s final request. She died over 18 months ago and wanted her ashes buried at the cabin our family once owned in the Sierra Nevada...
Do You or Your Wife Make the First Move?
No, I’m not talking about initiating sex. I’m talking about after you’ve had a disagreement or a fight. Who reaches out to the other first? And is it always the same person? Because the details of how the two of you repair the breech in your marriage matters. All...
For Love or For Money in Your Marriage
Money may not be the “root of all evil” but it can seriously mess up a marriage. It is one of the top two areas of serious conflict in relationships. In fact, a study published in the journal Family Relationships found that “financial disagreements are stronger...