‘If we practice being spectacular long enough, spectacular will become our way of being.’ – Robin Sharma
As another year ends, employees are receiving their performance reviews. They are seeing if they’re receiving bonuses and/or promotions. For an unlucky few, there may be pink slips. What would the outcome of a review of your performance as a husband be?
Whether you know it or not, your wife has an opinion about both the state of your marriage and your effort as her life partner.
What’s going on in your relationship doesn’t just impact you. It affects your children, extended family, friends, neighbors, even your co-workers. Although you are the two people who set the terms of your relationship, how your marriage is going spills over into all other areas of your life.
You’re teaching your children what a romantic relationship is firsthand. What are they learning?
Your friends and family are watching too. They may be the people you complain to about your wife. That impacts how they see her and how supportive of your marriage they will be.
And your co-workers? Well, if you’re distracted or upset by what’s going on at home, they’re the ones who pick up your slack. In fact, problems at home have a measurable impact on a company’s bottom line because of lost productivity.
So, the overall health of your marriage matters. A lot. To many people.
If you aren’t clear about your role as a husband and what’s expected of you, how do you know what you’re being judged on? And if you aren’t getting timely and consistent feedback, you may be under the impression you’re doing better than you think you are.
And you don’t want to fall victim to the Dunning-Kruger Effect. This is the idea that poor performers can’t distinguish between good and bad performances. They rate themselves too high because they don’t see the differences between their performances and the performances of others.
To further complicate things, this inability to accurately rate themselves is connected to the ignorance that the discrepancy even exists.
The same thing could happen in your marriage. I hear from my clients all the time that they don’t think the relationship is as bad as their wife does. Maybe you’re thinking that way too.
You may be examining what went well and what didn’t quite go as expected in your life this past year. You may even be contemplating the goals you want to set for the new year to make things better. But if you aren’t looking clearly at your marriage, and your role as a husband, you’re going to end up in the same place or maybe a worse one.
The only way to keep your marriage going is to learn what makes it work and consistently do those behaviors. You can’t do that if you haven’t added any new tools to your toolbox.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. If you see value in acquiring the skills that will make you a top performer in your marriage, let’s talk.
One Thing You Can Do Today to Improve Your Marriage
You hear it all the time: Marriage takes work. But what if there was something you could easily do everyday that would make it easier? Guess what? There is. It doesn’t cost any money and you don’t even need to leave your house. Dr. Erin Leyba, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and the author of Joy Fixes for Weary Parents, reveals and discusses this “miracle” action.
