“We need a place in which we may flourish and be ourselves.” Timothy Radcliffe
I want to be in a marriage where my feelings are minimized, my desires are ignored, and I walk on eggshells all the time.
Said. No. One. Ever.
What most people want, maybe even you, is a good marriage.
But have you defined what would actually make a marriage good?
Is it the number of years it lasts, regardless of its quality?
Is not getting divorced the only criteria that makes it “good”?
If you can’t answer with a resounding YES when someone asks if your marriage is good, it probably isn’t.
The truth is most marriages aren’t good, let alone great. Even if they’ve lasted a long time.
This isn’t to assign blame. Just a statement of fact.
That’s because few people even know what a good marriage should look and feel like.
It’s not their fault. Or yours either.
You can’t know what you haven’t seen or been taught.
And if you follow a lot of marriage “advice”, you won’t get there either.
Taking Charge of Intimacy in Your Marriage
"I much prefer people who rock the boat to people who jump out." Orson Welles I’ve started something new this year—First Friday Ask Me Anything. It’s the chance for you to get free coaching about anything marriage related. This month Paul took me up on the...
Getting Support for Your Marriage Is Smart, Not Punishment
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago, and the second best time to plant a tree is now. George W. White My husband and I came home last Saturday to find several cars and a bunch of young people in our street. My husband asked what was going on and one of...
Your Well-Intentioned Decisions are Leading to Divorce
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Bernard of Clairvaux I was talking to Paul, one of the members in my Good Guys, Great Husbands Facebook group earlier this week. He’s a new dad and wants to be supportive of his wife during this exhausting and...
Marriage is said to require work, compromise, and sacrifice. Three words I won’t ever use in the same sentence as marriage.
If you do any of those things, at best you will have a marriage you tolerate. At worst, you will end up resentful and frustrated. What you won’t have is a marriage that flourishes.
You may say your marriage is “fine” or “okay” but is it really? Or are you afraid of really taking a close look because you might realize “okay” or “tolerable” isn’t good enough?
I’m not saying that divorce is the answer. I am saying that if nothing changes, divorce will probably be the result.
Most couples “tolerate” unwanted things in their marriages for years because they don’t know how to get them to change. You keep accepting them until one of you can’t take it anymore.
If you want your marriage not just to survive, but to actually thrive, you have to stop accepting things that aren’t okay.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Contact me and let me know what you’re tired of tolerating in your marriage.
