“We need a place in which we may flourish and be ourselves.” Timothy Radcliffe
I want to be in a marriage where my feelings are minimized, my desires are ignored, and I walk on eggshells all the time.
Said. No. One. Ever.
What most people want, maybe even you, is a good marriage.
But have you defined what would actually make a marriage good?
Is it the number of years it lasts, regardless of its quality?
Is not getting divorced the only criteria that makes it “good”?
If you can’t answer with a resounding YES when someone asks if your marriage is good, it probably isn’t.
The truth is most marriages aren’t good, let alone great. Even if they’ve lasted a long time.
This isn’t to assign blame. Just a statement of fact.
That’s because few people even know what a good marriage should look and feel like.
It’s not their fault. Or yours either.
You can’t know what you haven’t seen or been taught.
And if you follow a lot of marriage “advice”, you won’t get there either.
Being Right vs. Happily Married
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." English Nursery Rhyme First, I need to point out that no one—not you, your wife, me, no one—is ever right all the time. So, if you are a “right fighter” you will struggle in your marriage. And if...
Your Marriage: Paying Now or Later
"Motion creates clarity. Waiting creates anxiety." Olly J Several years ago my client Todd said, “My marriage is important but…..” My mind immediately went to “now he’s going to tell me why it’s not.” Because that’s what the but means. I get the same feeling when I...
Be a Good Guy, Not Just a Nice One
"He who stops being better stops being good." Oliver Cromwell You’re familiar with the expression “nice guys finish last” aren’t you? Maybe you’ve experienced that for yourself at some point in your life. I’m not saying don’t be nice. I’m just saying it’s not enough....
Marriage is said to require work, compromise, and sacrifice. Three words I won’t ever use in the same sentence as marriage.
If you do any of those things, at best you will have a marriage you tolerate. At worst, you will end up resentful and frustrated. What you won’t have is a marriage that flourishes.
You may say your marriage is “fine” or “okay” but is it really? Or are you afraid of really taking a close look because you might realize “okay” or “tolerable” isn’t good enough?
I’m not saying that divorce is the answer. I am saying that if nothing changes, divorce will probably be the result.
Most couples “tolerate” unwanted things in their marriages for years because they don’t know how to get them to change. You keep accepting them until one of you can’t take it anymore.
If you want your marriage not just to survive, but to actually thrive, you have to stop accepting things that aren’t okay.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Contact me and let me know what you’re tired of tolerating in your marriage.
