“We cannot always control everything that happens to us in this life, but we can control how we respond. “L. Lionel Kendrick
If you’re like most people, the answer to this question is yes. At least some of the time. A better question is why you’re frustrated.
I’ve been thinking a lot about frustration these last couple of weeks. I’m not frustrated with my husband but with technology companies. I’ve talked with Microsoft three times, my Calendar App twice, and Zoom twice. And I’m still not sure the issue is resolved.
I’m old enough to remember using DOS prompts on a PC when I was in graduate school. And while I’ve been using computers for a long time, I am most certainly a digital immigrant. The one computer programming class I had to take in college left me completely frustrated. (Don’t even ask what the programming language was.)
For me, technology is a necessary evil. I want it to work when I need it. And honestly, I don’t really care how. So when it doesn’t, I get frustrated.
And that’s what frustration really is. The difference between your expectations and your reality.
You’re wanting one thing and you’re getting another. And if the thing you’re getting confuses you, your frustration will increase.
When I have to deal with technological challenges, I feel stupid. I often tell the customer service reps to speak slowly and use small words when explaining what’s going on. I say it with a smile, but it’s not really a joke.
I want to understand but, for me, they’re speaking a foreign language.
And, if you’re anything like me, you don’t like feeling stupid either.
And what your wife is saying about you and/or your marriage may sound like a foreign language as well.
Why does it have to be so hard sometimes?
And why can’t you figure it out? Relationships are natural right?
Only up to a point.
But like technology that is always changing—sometimes for no apparent reason—so is your marriage.
You aren’t exactly the same as when you and your wife met, and neither is she. Life has, and is, happening to you both. All the time.
You’re experiencing things when you are together and when you’re apart. And you take away different things. How you address those differences will impact your level of frustration.
If you fight them, it will make your marriage worse. Trying to understand where they’re coming from and working with your wife to incorporate the changes productively is the answer to your frustration.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. Share your biggest marriage frustration and I’ll respond to you personally.
Is it the Quantity or Quality of Intimacy that Matters?
Okay, trick question. For most of us, it’s both. Intimacy (and sex) is important in a romantic relationship. And it’s a concern in many marriages. Intimacy is a source of anxiety for far too many couples. Like many things, good sex and real intimacy are complicated. There are so many factors at play that a truly enjoyable experience for you both can seem as rare as a blue moon. But things don’t have to be so hard. Psychologist and author Dr. Avrum Weiss reveals some of the things that may be getting in your way.
