“Real giving is when we give to our spouses what’s important to them, whether we understand it, like it, agree with it, or not.” Michele Weiner-Davis
The holidays bring out people’s true personalities. Some take great joy in ensuring that others have a wonderful time. Others get into altercations searching for the hottest toy their child absolutely has to have. Most of us fall somewhere in between.
How you and your wife get through these days is revealing. Do you work together as a team? Or does one of you do most of the preparations?
Henry’s story The Gift of the Magi is a wonderful story for this time of year. It’s not just a love story. It’s a true example of generosity and kindness.
The story focuses on a young married couple at Christmas time. They are struggling financially but both are determined to make the day special for the other.
Della has long beautiful hair. She decides to cut it off and sell it so she can buy her husband a watch chain for his precious pocket watch.
Jack, in turn, sells his watch to buy combs for Della to wear in her hair.
Their sacrifices for each other were based on love and generosity. A true example of the intended spirit of the season.
A colleague of mine says that it’s not really a gift if it doesn’t cost you something. O. Henry’s story fits this criterion.
Now you don’t have to sell a prized possession to show your love or generosity. But your actions over the next weeks will reveal your priorities.
Will you participate in all the aspects of the holidays with a loving heart and willing spirit? If not, what message do you think that sends? Is it the one you want your family to take away?
Yes, you and your wife may have different ideas about what’s important at this time of year. And that’s worthy of discussion. But if something is important to one of you, it needs to be important to you both.
Not participating is a bad idea. But I have a better one.
Each day, between now and the end of the year, give your wife a small gift. It can be something physical, like a cup of her favorite drink. It can be an action, like giving her a foot massage. It can be a note telling her how well she does something. Or it can be 15 minutes of your time and attention, uninterrupted, where you are fully present and focused on her.
The point is to do something that requires thought and intention. Because you love her. And it’s important to let her know it.
Not just at the holidays, but every day.
And you don’t want to wait too long to start.
You’ve got this. But, if you don’t, I’ve got you. Reach out and let me know how you plan to celebrate your marriage this holiday season.
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