“Insanity is doing a wrong thing over and over again but expecting different results.” Dew Langrial
I remember my client Brad saying, “My marriage is important but…” In my mind I was thinking, “Now he’s going to tell me why it’s not.” Because that’s what the “but” means.
He wasn’t the first client to hedge about the importance of his marriage and I’m sure he won’t be the last.
It isn’t that he didn’t actually care about his marriage. It’s just that, like a lot of men, he didn’t really know what to do to make it better. So he tried to make it seem not so important. To his credit though, he was in my office. Which is more than a lot of husbands do.
I get it. It’s much easier to deflect or pretend that “things aren’t that bad” than to admit to a stranger that their marriage isn’t all it could be. And that could be the biggest mistake they make.
Taking on the challenge of improving your marriage won’t be easy. But it’s easier than living in a relationship that’s “not that bad”, or, worse, the emotional and financial devastation of a divorce.
So why the reluctance to take action?
It reminds me of when I hear someone say they don’t want to go to a doctor because they might be told there is something wrong. Not knowing doesn’t mean it’s not happening. And like not addressing issues in your marriage, time will not make things better if you have a serious physical illness.
There are two major consequences of not dealing with issues in your marriage as soon as possible. First, you will become desensitized to the challenges. When you live with something on a daily basis, it’s easy to get used to it. To see it as normal. Even if it is doing long-term harm to you and/or your marriage.
Second, your wife may start to believe you’re not interested in making things better. She may make efforts for a while to get you to address things. But if nothing changes, she will stop. You might think things are okay, but you’ve actually entered the danger zone.
Either she too accepts that “not that bad” and the two of you live in a “less than” limbo. Or, she starts planning her exit.
And your settling for “not that bad” leads to the end of your marriage.
It’s a pattern I see over and over again. Waiting for things to get bad enough for her to want out and then trying to fix things is like trying to deal with Stage 4 cancer. It’s possible to survive but the numbers aren’t in your favor. And the process is much more complicated and difficult than if you’d addressed it earlier.
My advice—if you know things aren’t all they could be, take action before serious damage is done.
You’ve got this. But if you don’t, I’ve got you. I can help you to do what works. So get in touch today.
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In theory, money is merely the means by which you acquire goods and services. In reality, it is so much more. It’s seen as a measure of success, self-worth, freedom, love, safety, security, and on and on. Getting on the same page financially with your spouse is incredibly important for the success of your marriage. Personal finance and economics educator and founder of Modern Husbands Brian Page reveals what you need to think about at various stages of your relationship when it comes to money.
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