“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.” Elizabeth Barrett Browning
As I write this, I’m sitting in a car driving through the pouring rain. On my way to an outdoor music festival for the weekend.
The weather outlook isn’t great. Cool to cold. 100% chance of rain tomorrow. May be nice on Saturday. Maybe not. Sunday is also a toss-up.
Anyone who knows me knows I don’t like being cold. Nor do I particularly like being wet. Unless I’m swimming.
But that’s the risk for late April in North Carolina.
Personally, I can take or leave MerleFest. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the music. I usually find at least one performer that makes the entire trip worthwhile.
But my husband loves it.
And that’s enough for me to brave the elements for what has become an annual activity for us.
It’s a fair trade as he has humored my love of dance by going to the ballet with me for the last 25 years.
This willingness to not just indulge each other’s interests but actively participate is one thing that has made our marriage last.
Neither of us see it as an imposition. Even though, if we were by ourselves, we would skip these activities entirely.
We’ve each done these things by ourselves, but much prefer to do them together. It’s part of what makes us “US”.
It creates connection. It opens a door into the other’s interests and passions. It provides context to our life together. And isn’t that what marriage is supposed to be about?
Don’t get the wrong idea. We don’t do everything together. My husband has absolutely no interest in joining me at CrossFit. And I never did Tae Kwon Do with him.
Having our own interests is fine. In fact, it’s healthy to have something that’s just your own.
But not creating couple activities can generate unnecessary distance between the two of you.
Balancing individual time/interests with marital ones is the ongoing dance of being a couple. The amount and type of ingredients will change over time. And that’s okay. You still want to whip up that togetherness recipe.
So I will wear my rain boots. Put on my jacket and my poncho. Make sure my umbrella is handy.
I will hope for sun. But I will enjoy whatever comes. With an open heart and a willing spirit.
How about you? What do you do with your partner just because it matters to them? What do they do with you? Hit reply and let me know.
If you’re wishing to create more connection and intimacy with your wife, join me at the From Roommate to Romeo Workshop.
AROUND THE WEB THIS WEEK
Do You Have a Plan for Your Marriage?
There’s an expression—if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Could this be the reason for so many marriages to either fail or just be miserable? People fall in love, get into a serious relationship, and then decide to get married. What they often don’t do is talk about what they want their marriage to look like. Dr. Frieda Birnbaum, a research psychologist and psychotherapist, proposes creating an emotional pre-nuptial agreement before saying “I do”.
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