I’ve been thinking a lot about broken things lately. And about all the advice I’ve been getting since my computer accidentally landed on my office floor last week. (It’s day 8 and I’m still using the one with the broken screen at times because the new one still isn’t working properly.)
As I was talking about the latest issue—trying to use Zoom but the camera won’t turn on—I felt like I was in that old IBM vs. Mac commercial. My friend is a die-hard Mac guy. Even though he knows I already bought a PC, he’s still trying to convince me to switch over.
This is what happens when you’re talking to someone who is wedded to their particular point of view. Maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s your wife. Or maybe it’s a good friend whose own marriage is in trouble.
Finding clarity at this time can be difficult. It’s also essential.
Everyone has an opinion. A viewpoint. PC vs. Mac.
But the one who has to live with your decision is you.
Yes, your wife will be impacted by whatever you decide. As will your children, extended family, and friends. And this impact on them should be considered. But if your decision doesn’t work for you, it ultimately won’t work for them either.
Getting clarity is difficult when there are so many moving parts and so many people involved. This leaves you open to confusion. To putting off a decision. To keep searching and asking those you trust for a solution that will please everyone.
And that’s part of the problem. Those close to you can’t be objective. They are influenced by their relationship to you as well as their own life experience.
More than likely, they want you to be happy. But when you’re facing challenges in your relationship, neither of you may know what that looks like. Ending the relationship? Sticking it out? Taking steps to make it better?
And the criteria of “happy” is often a false one. “Happy” is temporary. You were happy in your relationship once.
You need to figure out what you want. Not what is easiest. Or what is right for someone else. Even if you have no idea how to make it happen. Once you get clear, then you can formulate a plan. You can get the help you need to implement that plan, but you have to decide your direction first.
I chose another PC because it’s what I’ve always used. Starting over with something new did not appeal to me. The cost would also have been greater with a Mac. Even though it’s frustrating at the moment, it will smooth out. I’ll get back to normal faster because the learning curve won’t be so high.
You might want to choose to stay with what you know as well. You can make it better. An improved marriage without having to start over. It will also be cheaper in the long run.
So, the only question you need to answer is, “What do I want?”
What is your biggest question about marriage? Share it with me and I’ll personally respond to you.
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The key to keeping your marriage healthy and happy is to nurture it. In the early days of your relationship, this was relatively easy. In truth, it still is. It takes a little bit of time, energy, and attention. Not a lot. Even if your marriage is in a rut, doing a few simple things regularly can reignite the spark. Relationship and Intimacy Coach Corinne Farago reveals how you can easily take your marriage from just surviving to thriving.
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