It’s a common fantasy for women…
Is your wife one of the 62% of women who want to be ravished? Studies have shown that this desire to be lovingly, yet forcefully taken by her man is one of the top five sexual fantasies women have. And it’s one that can get complicated in the age of #MeToo and discussions about consent. (Not to mention feminism.)
Let’s be clear. This fantasy is NOT about being raped.
Rape is an aggressive act of violence and power. I can understand the confusion because the first definition of ravish is “to seize and take away by violence” which pretty much describes rape.
It is the second definition that more closely relates to her fantasy—to overcome with emotion; to fill someone with intense delight; enrapture.
It’s about confidence.
She wants you to have a plan and assertively carry it out so she can give in to the pleasure you are bringing to her body. Not spend time in her head wondering what’s coming next or whether you are tuned in to her.
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Some men want to give up…
My client Tom has stopped initiating sex because he’s always getting it wrong. He doesn’t fully understand how to read his wife’s body and is afraid of not pleasing her. He also doesn’t like being directed by her in the moment. So he’d rather hop on the internet and take care of himself because he never feels rejected there.
You can learn to be a better lover
Sam, another client, has made a different choice. He wants to be a great lover to his wife and has taken the proactive steps to learn about her sexual response pattern and what turns her on. She has responsive desire—meaning she needs to be physically aroused before her desire for sex kicks in. This is very different from spontaneous desire, which is the way most men are wired.
Instead of giving up on sex, Sam chose to learn how to interpret his wife’s movements and sounds. He’s learned what kind of touching and where gets her hot. He’s built up a repertoire of moves that he can access at any time. This has made him a confident lover and their sex life has greatly improved.
Are you like Tom or do you want to be more like Sam?
It’s a balance of energies
Her ravishing fantasy is about creating sexual tension between your masculine energy and her feminine energy.
It is often difficult for women to step out of the masculine energy that today’s world demands. When she is in charge in many aspects of her life, it can be hard to let that go. And if she can’t let go, it can be challenging for her to get aroused.
The basics of sex are simple but being a confident lover takes time and effort. And most of us have no idea where to learn. And good sex is about both of you enjoying it.
Yes, she probably has some things to learn to be a better lover. Being a leader means going first. She wants to melt under your touch. That’s what this fantasy is all about. Are you up to the challenge?
If you want deeper intimacy and a more satisfying marriage, reserve a time to talk with me.
around the web this week:
Is Your Marriage Dying the Death of 1000 Cuts?
If having a successful marriage is one of your goals, it’s important to be on the lookout for things that will damage it. It is often the attitude you bring and the habits that develop as a result that create the problems that put your happily ever after at risk. Thomas Fiffer, former senior editor at The Good Men Project and co-founder of Christmas Lake Creative reveals three common behaviors that may be destroying your marriage without you even knowing it.
If you want a thriving marriage, not just one that survives, Lesli can help. Please share the show with those you care about on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Why Your Wife Wants to Be Ravished and What That Means for You
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