I hope it goes without saying that you find your wife attractive. But what else is she? If your compliments stop with her looks, you’re leaving her to believe that that’s the only aspect of her you value.
I’ve been thinking about this for a couple of weeks after talking to a client who says his wife “hides” in the closet when she changes. He finds her stunningly beautiful and doesn’t understand why she isn’t flattered by his visual attention to her.
I’ve struggled a bit with this myself. My husband has told me over the years that he thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. Now, I don’t believe this and used to ask him when he last had his eyes checked. He didn’t appreciate that remark and we’ve since come to a place where I just say, “thank you” and keep any other thoughts unspoken.
I’m glad my husband finds me attractive. I know there are many wives who would love their husbands to feel that way about them. But it can be a double-edged sword if that’s the only thing he compliments me on.
The truth is, giving compliments about your wife’s looks are easy. But she is so much more than that. And that’s where you have the opportunity to score big points with her. Here’s how.
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Happiness studies show that it takes three to five positive comments to balance out one negative one. In that vein, I’m proposing that for every compliment you give your wife about her looks, you give her three to five compliments about something else. Bonus points if you’re specific.
While hearing that you think she’s a great wife will please her, what exactly does she do that makes you think that? Is she a fantastic cook? Do you like the way she reaches over and touches you when you’re in the car together? Is it that she knows how to effectively deal with customer service reps so late charges are always reversed?
In addition, don’t just give the compliment but give the “why” it matters to you. How does what she is doing make you feel? Loved, cared for, noticed?
When you add these details, the compliment will feel more genuine. And be better received. Isn’t that what you want?
Like my client’s wife, compliments about her looks can be interpreted as a come on. That they’re more about what you’re angling for than they are about her.
She is more than a pretty face and a nice body. She has a mind, a heart, and a soul. Letting her know what you appreciate about those aspects of her will make her feel seen and valued. It will make her feel loved.
If you’re ready to be more intentional in your marriage, let’s talk.
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The compliments your wife really wants from you
Yes, you think your wife is attractive, but what else is she? Complimenting just her physical appearance may not have the outcome you’re looking for.
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